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The majority of life`s greatest lessons are learned while observing your drunk friends.
The doctors say im going to be ok. I must warn you the dyson ball cleaner has a very misleading name.
Christmas is all about getting your entire dysfunctional family under one roof, hoping the cops don`t get called and nobody gets arrested.
This by far is your most f*ck up idea ever ... I`ll be there in 10 minutes.
I`m trying to locate a girl from high school. You know, the one who could tie a cherry stem with her tongue.
My neighbor`s facebook movie is just a montage of me caught on surveillance video, stealing his newspaper every morning.
Give up, itsy-bitsy spider. It wasn`t meant to be.
Story of my life : 1. i wake up .... 2. i go to school.... 3. i see a girl .... 4. i run to her and kiss her.... Actually, the right order is 2,3,4,1 ..
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
I am bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
Did you know you can buy live lobsters? Anyway, can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters.
Grammar is important! Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your Uncle jack off a horse.
The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he’s too old for it.
Has anyone else ever noticed that the word therapist spells, "the rapist," when split into 2 words?
Women.Some men undermine, disrespect and consider them weak,forgeting the countless spanks they got from their mothers