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If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I`m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
BEST PICK UP LINE: You would probably sleep better tonight if we had sex.
The reason good men are hard to find is because they`re usually too busy working.
Running away does not help with the problems unless you are fat
I`m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.
You are the pebble in my shoe of people
Im 6`1", blue eyes, light brown hair, fit, own my own compa......oh crap, wrong website, sorry.
Nothing says "I`m unemployed" like wishing for snow on Facebook.
When my kids grow up, I’m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I’m bored & then just leave!
Dear God, I´ve been very good today, no grumpy thoughts, no swearing and I haven´t been mean at all, but I´m about to get up now and I may need your help :)
Your silent treatment should be accompanied by a disappearing act.
HR have advised that I’m not allowed to ask my chubby co-workers if they ate my missing stapler.
Anyone knows when is Facebook sending us the W-2 forms
This is supposed to be funny but I got nothing but do me a favour and like this...Yeah, okay, IM DESPERATE -.-
The awkward moment when you’ve already said “what?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.