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I thought we had something. You met my family, made us dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”
If I won the lottery, I don`t think I would change much. I`d still be the same asshole, just one in a helicopter.
You say peeping tom. I say highly active member of the neighborhood watch.
If this world got any smaller I`d probably fall off - George T. Ignace
Stop complaining about being single. We have bigger problems here. Like why McDonald’s doesn’t serve breakfast after 10:30.
It`s a good thing farting isn`t as contagious as yawning.
Marriage is for quitters
I can’t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend.
finally joined craigs list. who wants to see my junk?
I’m not getting old. I’m becoming a classic.
Can you do me a favour? Stand in front of my car, I need to test my brakes.
I really worried about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
I’m not single and I’m not committed… I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves…
You don’t have to be drunk to love me, but it helps
The Titanic is a great lesson of why just the tip can get you in a lot of trouble.