Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What`s it called when you always have a sweet tooth, but it`s only for booze?
FITNESS TIP: Set a regular gym schedule that`s easy to keep up with. For example, I work out once every 4 years after I vote for president.
The roof of my mouth just healed from that Hot Pocket I had in 2003.
Honestly, I`m so awesome that I wish I could meet myself and get my own autograph.
It’s amazing how much more money I have when I’m drunk.
Big shoutout to my neighbors, who left their back door open accidentally, when I needed a few things and didn`t want to go to the store...
Turbo Tax might just be the worst video game I`ve ever played.
The art of taking a self pic fast enough that no one sees you. The Stealthfie.
This morning I jogged for 30 swear words.
Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
If a$$holes could fly, this place would be an airport
I’m writing this from the hospital. Don’t worry! The doctors say I’m going to be OK but I must warn you. The Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name!
To be clever can be difficult without caffiene.
I always wear a wedding ring when I go grocery shopping, so everyone thinks my cart full of groceries are for a family of 4 instead of just me
Most hated song in jail: "Bad Boys, Bad Boys, whatcha gonna do when they come for you"......