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LIFE TIP: The early worm gets dismembered, and eaten alive!
Where do homeless people find all these sharpies?
If I’ve offended you, please accept my apology. Then smack yourself in the face for getting offended by something on the Internet.
I wish I budgeted with my whole paycheck as well as I do with the last fifty bucks of it.
I like to respond to statuses with .. WOW, Someone needs a Happy Meal.
I`m always tempted to yell "Kevin!" mid-flight.
Have you ever laid down in bed and start thinking.. Where the hell are my pants!!??
Arguing politics is like trying to convince someone that their baby isn`t cute.
How about a ceiling fan with brakes so I don`t have to stand there for 10 seconds wondering if I actually turned it off.
Thanks for sharing your moon with me on Instagram. We don`t have a moon where I live.
I’m moving to Africa. Apparently there I can eat for 12 cents a day.
Relationships are not a test... So why cheat?
There was no bonus fry at the bottom of the bag. But the story has a happy ending. I found it later in my sports bra.
Why is it Donald Duck never wore pants but always had a towel wrapped around his waist when he got out of the shower?
It`s time to admit that as a species, we are just not ready for 4-way stops