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From 8am until 12pm, my job basically pays me to think about what I am going to have for lunch.
Can`t dance? Spell your name....in the air...with your butt. BOOM! Next problem...
I bring my kids to a romantic restaurant on Valentine`s day as a birth control reminder to the other couples.
Tonight I plan on drinking until I`m someone else`s problem
I totally love and fully respect that you`re a little bit slutty
I was an atheist, until I realized I was a sex god.
If a woman asks if you "notice anything new" tell her "I do, your beauty surprises me every day." Then continue thinking about velociraptors
My religious preference, is for you to steer clear of me with yours.
I was way too drunk last night to drive home. So I drove to another party.
I`d be so much more successful if some of my ancestors had just married better.
? Single ? Taken ? Depends on who`s asking.
Sometimes when it rains I go outside with a cocktail umbrella and pretend I`m a Giant.
My favorite word is `apparently`. Makes anything sound sarcastic. He`s intelligent, apparently.
Just dropped off some film to be processed. More on this story as it develops.
Ever noticed how you used to be embarrassed by things you did or that happen to you, but now your first thought is "I can post that"