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Always have faith and believe in yourself…well because..the rest of us think you’re an idiot!
I don’t understand how people have to “get ready for bed”…I’m always ready for bed.
I can walk up to any dog, rub its belly and make a friend ... That trick rarely works on people.
Hummingbirds are just regular birds that can`t remember the lyrics.
people say i talk in my sleeep , but no one at work seems to notice
People who say `expresso` instead of `espresso,` may I axe you to please stop? Thanx.
Saw a flying saucer today. It appeared right after the flying cup that my wife threw at me.
"Three blind mice" is probably the most popular nursery rhyme about animal cruelty
I`m pretty sure the phrase "Did I say that out loud?" is just a way of adding an exclamation point.
Married people always ask when you’re getting married like they get points for recruiting to their club of misery.
Im 6`1", blue eyes, light brown hair, fit, own my own compa......oh crap, wrong website, sorry.
Obesity: When you buy a hula-hoop and it fits you.
99% of people in this world are stupid, luckily I`m in the other 2%
I still like going into Burger King and ordering a McWhopper and a McFry.
Not sure if I logged into Facebook or the Cartoon Network.