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Doing it wrong is the only thing I do right.
If everyone would stop screaming, I`m sure we`d all agree I`m not supposed to be in this women`s restroom.
It must be annoying for nudists when they have to clean their glasses
If the NSA and IRS teamed up, I wouldn’t have to do my taxes.
You look like you only got about 5 of your 8 hours of beauty sleep last night...
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
I would go for a jog today, but it looks like all of these cupcakes expire today as well.
Remember when teachers asked to lie quietly with your head on your desk? My boss has yet to be impressed with this skill.
You can either agree with me, or you can be wrong.
I`m like the toughest guy in this comic book store.
The wife almost caught me browsing on Facebook, but I quickly clicked over to a porn site. That was close.
Happy 4/21! National work drug testing day!
Last night I was walking the sexiest girl ever home until she turned around and saw me.
How can you tell if someone went to the gym? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds.