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They sell Harvard shirts at Target so that’s a good way to save $ 399,984.05.
Surgery beds are basically cutting boards for humans.
Redneck word of the day : Asphalt. It`s your own dumb asphalt !!
April Fools Day has been cancelled this year.
I bought a used UPS truck. It gets bad gas mileage but I can park anywhere.
Never let your printer know you`re in a rush, those bastards smell fear
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`.... I`ll turn around and look.
My girlfriend called me lazy the other day. I almost responded.
I’m beginning to think that I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death in my kitchen.
My wife and I laugh at how competitive we are at things, but I laugh more.
Bitch, you`re just like monday, nobody likes you -_-
When I see something funny on the internet, I don’t usually laugh. I just blow more air out of my nose than usual.
I want to tell my coworker I have strong feelings for her, but I`m afraid things might get weird if she knows I hate her.
I don`t always do a lot, but I put a lot of thought into it.
You`re annoying, but honestly, I`ve been annoyed by better.