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So tell me, does it hurt to be so full of sh!t?
Three decades of playing Tetris have apparently not improved our nation`s ability to stow overhead luggage.
If your job title is head receiver, you know you`re doing something right.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you have incriminating evidence.
I`m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out I`ll pop open the red and drink that.
Finding friends with the same mental disorder as you ... Priceless
It must be really hard to judge wet t-shirt contests. I saw one recently, and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
"Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
If a woman tells you that you’re right, that’s called sarcasm.
Why get married when you can just drive into oncoming traffic?
Big shout-out to slugs for doing everything a snail does but without a helmet.
Women who tell me I have commitment issues have never seen me with a large pizza.
Sent an email to my Mom. Now I`m at her place showing her how to open it.
We all just sat there and watched as Pepe Le Pew tried to rape that cat. Shame on us.
Help I`m covered in chameleons & no one believes me