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If by O.P.P. you mean Other People’s Pancakes, then yes I’m down with O.P.P.
I wish "it`s the thought that counts" worked for housework.
A boob job sounds like the best job in the world.
Timehop... reminding us that the stupid people we know today were just as stupid 5 years ago.
Nobody on television curses more than the Roadrunner.
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels?
People should be required to pay an extra dollar for every syllable of their coffee order.
Sorry I cancelled at the last minute, but it took me forever to think of an excuse I hadn`t used yet.
Spice up your Facebook experience by making your status updates your google searches.
Me on New Years Eve: “I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.”
If we`re all expected to have sex with our Valentine on Valentine`s Day, I`m truly dreading Presidents` Day.
Words and phrases I hope do not appear in my obituary: "Skeletal remains", "Dumpster", "Beyond recognition", "Decapitated", "Dental records", "Shallow grave", "Strewn", and "Suicide by Cop."
I`m really sick of responsibility ... and underwear
The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he’s too old for it.
To whoever said “fight fire with fire”: do you actually test your own advice before giving it?