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Wouldn’t it be great to hear a priest say “been there, done that” in reply to your confessed sins?
I have a disease called AWESOME...You don`t understand it since you don`t have it.
By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I`ve likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.
White girls be like: I`ll have one triple mocha dark chocolate ugg boot raspberry white iphone 5 double caramel infinity sign frappe please.
It’s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
Life is like a box of chocolates. Get your own and stay the hell out of mine.
You haven`t truly made it on YouTube until someone recognizes you in the unemployment line and asks for your autograph.
I am convinced that Kellogg`s works for our Government and all that Snap, Crackle, Pop is CODE.......
Good morning my friends ... Wait a minute ... What the f*ck am I doing up this early.
I`m tired of doing math. I guess I`ll get my lazy as up and fix my clocks today
The best two kinds of beer in this world are....Cold & Free..
*during sex,I suddenly stop moving* Her: What are you doing? Me: SHHHHH It`s ok...I saw this on Pornhub, It`s called Buffering!
“I saw that.” -Karma
A real friend is someone who knows how damn crazy you are... But is still willing to be seen out in public with you.
Masturbating in front of your partner in the hope that she’ll join does not always work. And people on the bus stare at you.