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Because of smart phones my thumbs now have biceps.
Seems like Pizza Hut should be able to afford a house by now.
I don`t really want to make bad choices; but I`m always late, and all the good choices are already taken..
They should make a medal for anyone who uses an entire tube of chapstick without losing it.
only fights if pillows are present.
When you upload photos to Fb, i`d appreciate it if you tagged your hot friends ... It makes stalking them MUCH easier, thank you!
Why does Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell insurance. Is there something dirty about insurance we should know about?
Every time I think I finally have the life I always dreamed of....I wake up.
The bright side of getting attacked by a Cyclops is only having to use half the pepper spray.
So many Jehovah`s Witnesses and yet still not a shred of Jehovah`s Evidence.
Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you`ve gone Commando a few times in your life.
When I see a hot girl walking by, I like to look at her and blink very fast and repeatedly so it looks like shes walking in slow motion. Everything is better in slow motion =)
Can I tell you how terribly grateful I am that no one had cell phones, iPads or digital cameras when I had to squaredance in P.E.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don’t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
Why isn`t cat food made from birds, mice and squirrels??