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If you play my day at work backwards, its about an idiot getting less and less annoying
You know it`s good advice, when your still confused afterwards.
I was on way home this morning when I seen an AA van pulled in and the driver was crying his eyes out. I thought to myself that guy is heading for a breakdown.
DATING TIP: never reveal how many cats you have.
is a mystery you´ll never solve
Sometimes I think these Kardashians are just doing stuff for the attention.
I hate it when I get too drunk and just kidding I never hate getting drunk!
I liked you better before we met.
How much is appropriate to tip the police officer who opens the squad car door for you?
The boss said I should let my creative juices flow. What he doesn’t know is that my creative juices are vodka and cranberry.
When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs.
Make yourself indispensable at work by hiding everything.
It won`t be the alcohol or cigarettes that kill me. It will be my inability to know when I should or shouldn`t laugh at something.
Posting inspirational quotes online is the first sign to depression.
Just ate a sleeve of crackers on my wife`s side of the bed.. I`ll let you know...