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When your coworker tells you they are getting a divorce a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told. Twice now.
I can tell exactly how much someone weighs by how much noise they make when I push them down the stairs.
If I pay $30 for a haunted house I better die.
I don`t have issues... I AM an issue
During the first two weeks of January, people often resolve to lose weight, which is great for me because the line at Golden Corral is much shorter.
It`s about time the government enacted a law that keeps dumb and stupid people away from playing any role in society.
People I hate are not allowed to be funny.
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke.
I finally figured out how to get rid of that annoying sound in my car. I opened the door and pushed her out!!
There is 2 address we will always know by heart, 1: Our Own, and 2: P. Sherman 42 wallyby way Sydney!
Well h€ll, I was going to post a status about my p€cker, but it was too long.
Mary Had a Little Lamb, Little Lamb, Little Lamb. Maybe she wasn`t that hungry.
1) Second. 2) Minute. 3) Hour. 4) Day. 5) Week. 6) Month. 7) Year. 8) Decade. 9) Century. 10) Millennium. 11) Women buying clothes.
100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses. The stables have turned.
If you kept one of those jars where I`d have to put in a quarter every time I swore, you would be a billionaire by the end of the week.