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Dear children, when you look under your bed, what exactly are you planning to do when you find me? Sincerely, The Monster.
Why hasn`t anyone invented a button next to the snooze which emails your boss to say you`re gonna be late?
I know you people are crazy. I can spot my own kind a mile away.
Only 3 things can make me run. When someone yells, "Fire", "Free beer" or "The free beer is on fire”
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present....They are due back at the library today.
Sometimes all you need, is 500 million dollars.
Remember, You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.
I just want to read, have a snack, then take a nap. Basically, I just want to be in kindergarten again.
I wonder if one day somebody will knock on my door and say to me, “Hey ,we have 7 mutual friends in Facebook; may I come in?"
Music is best when it’s louder than I can think.
Coffee`s a great way to fool yourself into believing you`re going to have a productive day.
As funny as it might be, It`s never polite to yell "Tuba Lesson!" Before farting.
I think I`ve finally found someone I could spend the rest of my life with, I should probably get out of her closet and introduce myself.
Now that I know how many calories there are in a pint of beer , I have decided to stop eating.
I can’t believe that all these “single ladies in my area” want to meet me, must be due to all the “free Ipads” I’ve been winning.