Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The only way a fidgey spinner would relieve my stress is if it was edible ...
You learn something new everyday and if you didnt know that then you just did.
Based on how many times I`ve dropped my phone, I`m gonna hold off on the whole baby thing.
Sometimes you have got to talk to a 3year old toddler in order to understand the meaning of happiness in life.
When my kids ask what a word means, I tell them to bring me a dictionary. Then I smack them with it, and tell them to Google that shi t.
Can only please one person a day. Today isn’t your day
When I`m in an elevator with a stranger I generally hold their hand to let them know that they`re safe
Finally, my winter fat is gone, now all I have are spring rolls.
My bucket list: 4 drumsticks, 2 thighs, 2 mashed potatoes with gravy, and 2 biscuits. Extra crispy.
I add "Drink Beer" to my weekend to-do list so I know I`ll at least get one thing done.
So impolite of people to sneak up on you while you’re talking sh!t about them.
The only difference between Black Friday and a zombie apocalypse is that zombies don`t care if you get the last iPad Mini.
Don`t judge a person for drinking; judge a person for not drinking. Those f*ckers are up to something.
Being all talk and no action sounds relaxing.
every woman iz beautuful n her unique way, smtimz it needs sm amount of alcohol to see with