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When someone tells me how old their kid is in months, I ask them to rephrase it in days, so they know what I just went through.
I hide from people too, so I get it unicorns, I get it.
My new years resolution is to try to actually finish someth
Statistics say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. Does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
I`m on a pepperoni pizza cleanse.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it`s just a cake?
What kind of wine goes best with laundry?
I hate lying to kids but my daughter asked me what twerking was and I told her it was when identical twins go to each others` jobs
You know you are the ugly one if they ask you to take the photo.
I`m not perfect, but I`m the best me there is or ever will be.
My ex was in a swimming competition with 19 other women today. They were doing the breaststroke. Unfortunately, she came in last place. She didn`t know she could have used her arms!
If there`s a "Mr." in front of your cat`s name you`re going to die alone.
I put the “Pro” in Procrastinate.
If you love something,, let it go..... That`s EXACTLY what I`ve done with my body....
Let It Snow is my favorite song about people who don`t understand how weather works.