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I`m pretty sure my Internet Explorer “error reports” end up the same place my letters to Santa do.
Whenever I hear the phrase `anything is possible`, I giggle and think about someone trying to slam a revolving door :)
Sometimes I take a bath because it’s hard to drink wine in the shower.
Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the world.
Why are we still testing on animals when there are pedophiles in prison.
You had me at "I hate that b!tch too".
There’s really no reason to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time.
Cop: Been drinking tonight, ma`am? Me: No, I`m just dizzy b/c I`m having a heavy flow day. It`s really clotty and... Cop: You`re free to go.
You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron.
A recent survey has shown that 50% of all newlyweds want to try anal sex. Or to put it another way, 100% of grooms.
As i get older i realize I do a LOT more YOGA...attempting to tie my shoelaces
“Let’s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise” – sports fans
The parents with the ugliest babies take and post the most pictures.
Love your enemies; after all, you made them!
If we can put a satellite in orbit around a comet 4 billion miles away, perhaps someday we can put a working wireless printer in my office.