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Ok but how old is your child in minutes?
The problem with the rest of the world is that they are always 5 drinks behind.
Wow!!! Thank you guy on Facebook I went to high school with and haven`t spoken to in 14 years, you really changed my mind about this upcoming election....
I`m first world poor. That means I have a smart phone and laptop that I use to go online and see that I have no money in my bank account.
Remember when the world ended last year?
You know what’s worse than slow internet? NOTHING.
It`s unfortunate that most people will never run out of things to say.
On your deathbed tell everyone "pray for me" then make sure to leave a note to be opened after you die that says "pray harder next time."
I don`t work that hard, I just make everything look way more difficulat than it is...
Get off your high horse. Seriously, it’s not safe to ride any animal that’s stoned.
At a wedding reception I recently attended someone said, "All the married men please stand next to the person who has made your life worth living." The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
Nobody tell my husband that "year round periods" aren`t a thing.
I have an eating disorder; I`m about to eat dis order of fries, dis order of wings, and dis order of nuggets.
Ladies, wonder if he`s busy or ignoring your texts? Offer to send nudes. If he instantly responds, he was totally ignoring you before.
Christmas is over. We now return to our regularly scheduled self centered lives already in progress.