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I wish I had a friend like me
Don`t hate me because I think I`m beautiful.
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it!
Any hedge can be a maze if you are drunk enough.
My wife made me coffee this morning & winked at me when she handed me the cup. I`ve never been more scared of a drink in all my life.
I tried being modest once, as expected I was amazing at it.
I bet it’s called Almond Milk, because no one would buy Nut Juice.
My living room is pretty much a fat camp without rules.
I was going to do stand up comedy years ago but then I thought ...Ugghhh, standing...
When your kids become teenagers, it`s important to have a dog so someone in the house is happy to see you.
You never know how little self control you have until they put chips and salsa in front of you at a Mexican restaurant.
You have no idea how funny I am to me.
That awkward moment when you remember something funny, and can’t stop smiling like an idiot.
Fun Fact: Over 97.8% of men have already made mistakes this year that a woman will remind him about for the rest of his days.
How`d this get posted?