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World Cup Soccer? If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I`d go watch some of my single friends at the bar.
It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
Dear Santa, I would like a thin body and a fat bank account. Don’t mix it up this year!
It doesn`t matter how old you are, If you hear the ice cream truck jingle you jump out the window for that sh!t.
Rolling out of bed is easy. Getting up off of the floor is another story.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of the plane...
Must you really ask why I have my selfie on top of my Christmas tree?
I sometimes ask myself, "What would Jesus do?", and then I think, Jesus wouldn`t be caught up in this sh*t.
Christmas is just like a day at the office ... You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
(Apocalyptic world) "Well guys......there goes our last female"
Remember, you can always run from your problems. Unless your problem is a Cheetah.....then you`re screwed!
Would the 2 Sonic dudes just get it over with and kiss already
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels? - Bfanch
I dont have awkward moments I have "special" moments.e.g That "special" moment when my "special" ex learns that karma exist..
Intelligence is like underwear. It`s important that you have it but there`s no need to show it off.