Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m amazed at how much better my life has been since the iOS 7 update. I bet it would be even better if I owned an iPhone.
Honey, your haters are imaginary. No one wants to be you. I promise.
I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"…
Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body!
We should`ve let the guy who named oranges keep naming other stuff.
Leaving your window open for an hour and the cast from f*cking Bugs Life decided to start producing their second movie.
Didn`t win the lotto again ... send prayers.
Well ... here I am ... cleverly disguised as a responsible adult!
FYI: You can buy wedding cake even if there`s no wedding, those suckers don`t even check
Tried to make a stew and accidentally summoned a demon again.
Just blew the sugar off my donut… Dieting is hard!
The hardest things about beginning any new relationship has got to be learning how to fart quietly again.
Day Light savings this weekend is pissing me off, we will lose a hour we will never get back...........wait...thinkin`.....I guess we do....carry on...
Moses had the first tablet with cloud connectivity.
Me: I must be out of my mind. Me: You and me both.