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Remember when double entry was an accounting term?
I fell asleep on the couch last night & woke up thinking I was married.
Could you guys just scroll a little? I was really funny yesterday.
Happy Saturday… the day you can put as much booze into your coffee as you’d like to put in on Monday.
To the woman that won the powerball ... "what`s up baby"
I`ve decided that I`m an ass man. Don`t get me wrong, horses are beautiful. They just aren`t as cute as donkeys.
bored out of my mind in class i began staring into space... space happened to be right in front of me at the time...
If money can`t buy happiness what do you pay a hitman with?
Don`t, under any circumstance, believe I`ll return your Tupperware.
10 Easy Steps to Learn Binary: 1) There are 1`s and 0`s 10) There are no 2`s
That awkward moment when you sing the wrong part of a song with confidence.
She’s thinking about having beer pong at her reception… that’s walking a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever....
In order to avoid hating myself in the morning, I sleep till noon.
Smelling another person should be a choice.