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Kiss me I`m Irish, put a little tongue in it, I`m French too
I`ve always wondered how the job application process at Hooters works. Do they give you a bra and orange shorts and say, "Here, can you fill these both out"?
Now that my kids are getting older, I`m worried I`ll never have the opportunity to leave my wife for the nanny.
so I got really drunk last night, but I was good and took a bus home. the only problem I have now is I dont remember where I put the keys to the bus.
I love long walks on the beach under the moonlight, poetry, candlelight dinners, and having my a$$ spanked with a fuzzy slipper.
If you`re going to be stupid, don`t do it on Facebook.
A man in front of me at Walmart is buying a pregnancy test. I bet this is the one time in his life he wishes she had sent him for tampons!
Last night I had this awesome dream, where I fought this huge fat ninja and knocked him out with my super power punch. I`d tell you more but I have to take my wife to the doctor. She has this mysterious black eye.
pumpkin for sale, slightly used
is pondering why people have a favorite color M&M when they all taste the same!
I have a kid in Africa I inoculate, feed, clothe and send to school for only $1 day. It cost a lot to send him over there though.
My road to success is under construction and all the workers are out getting sh!tfaced.
When children shy away, I say, "I don`t bite. Not hard anyway!" Then I laugh and bite them hard. They need to understand life`s not easy.
Everyone loved Jack-in-the-box as kids. Now I`m older, I like mine in the bottle
She calls it cuddling. I call it strategic body placement for the war of the covers that is about to take place.