Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My fitness goal is to weigh what I told the DMV I weigh.
Fun Fact: if you took the skin of an average person and laid it out flat,you would have enough for a serious criminal conviction :)
My age is very inappropriate for my behavior.
I was feeling down...then all of a sudden I felt myself up. Win, win situation! ;)
Some of you are so dumb, I don`t even know how you found the internet.
You really understand how drunk you are when you`re peeing...
This generation is guilty of making the wrong people rich and famous.
My dentist just told me I need a crown..... I know, right??
Next time you’re asked “What’s Up” respond “A delightful animated film about a young boy and an old man who fly away to an exotic place in a balloon house.”
Ex Girlfriend: Omg! I had a dream about you last night!! Ex Boyfriend: Aww thats so sweet, what happend? Ex Girlfriend: U died :)
Life is Hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
cofeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee... Wheeeeeeeeee!
I have a pornographic memory... Go ahead and get naked, I`ll remember you.
Hey NSA... I accidentally deleted an email... Can I get you to forward me your copy?
Line forms here for spankings