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I don`t believe women belong in the kitchen... because men are better at that too
If I had a mood ring on today, it`d be flashing like a disco ball!
Went into a five-star hotel to use the bathroom and now it`s a two-star hotel.
One day you will die, but every other day you won’t. So that’s pretty great, right? ... Inspirational posts are hard.
My wife told me her favourite position is when i lay very very still for a few hours........late at night....until the alarm clock goes off in the morning.
May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
I think I could be a farmer. Except for the dirt, waking up early, wearing overalls and planting crops. But I wouldn’t mind driving a tractor around.
Just saw a homeless guy sleeping in a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. It must be his alarm system.
I know u r but what am I ?
I just spent ten minutes waving back to a guy in a storefront window before I realized he was just cleaning the glass.
Do I misuse contractions? Yes, but it`s what it`s.
Depending on the boob, the Bra is either the best or worst invention ever.
My son wants to be a shrink when he grows up... Clearly I`ve failed to teach him our family`s place in the psychiatric process...
I asked my girlfriend why she never tells me when she orgasms. She said she doesn`t like phoning me at work.
Boomerangs can be quite dangerous if you`ve got alzheimers.