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Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor`s yard to cut it down is an art.
At church they said the number of the beast is 666, but I stood up and said that`s not my wifes phone number.
I`ll do a lot of things for money, but I draw the line at working...
I have a life, I have the best life in the world. Oh wait sitting around watching Netflix and eating pizza rolls isn`t a life. I guess i was wrong then. :( bummer
How did the inventor of the clock know what time it was?
I`m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.
Much like a dog, men will pretty much do anything you want if you feed them first.
Just realized I have more in common with Garfield than I have with most people
If you think human beings have evolved a lot. Look at how much Egyptians worshiped cats. Then go look at Facebook for about 10 minutes.
Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation.
Spoiler alert: Your `97 Nissan Sentra doesn`t need one.
I like to think outside the quadrilateral parallelogram.
I wonder if Earth makes fun of the Moon for having no life.
Don`t talk about yourself so much... we`ll do that when you leave.
Hold on I`m about to count my money. Alright I`m done.