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Pizza is my favorite winter activity
Unlike milk, it is acceptable to cry over spilled beer.
I don`t know how many girls it takes to change a light bulb, but I guarantee we`d post pictures of us doing it on Facebook.
Happy July 22nd! Today isn’t a holiday, but you’re alive and well, so why not celebrate?
Why do some people call it a "tuna-fish" sandwich? It`s not like anyone calls it a "chicken-bird" sandwich.
There’s literally no way to know how many chameleons are in your house.
Drinking coffee is a fun way to become dependent on paying money to wake up.
I’ve got bad news: Today is not Friday, Tomorrow is not Friday, Even the day after tomorrow is not Friday.
Is it wrong to ask someone with an eye patch "Was it all fun and games up to that point?"
Apparently, you shouldn’t ask your wife if she’s off her meds more than once a week…
Bacon is the only exception that does not fall under the 5 second rule for dropped food.
If you`re not the lead dog, the scenery never changes!
Now that there is no FBI director we can finally make copies of VHS tapes
Anything is legal when there`s no police around
I get more cleaning done in the ten minutes before someone comes over than I do in a week.