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Life gets expensive when you trust a cute woman.
I bet acting like azzholes on the Internet all day wasn`t where most of us visioned our lives to be right now.
When I started out, I was young and idealistic, I wanted a Career and to make a difference in the World, but it turned out that I only wanted Paychecks........
My leadership experience is pretty much limited to those three consecutive days in first grade when I was line leader.
Just washed my car with the squeegee at the gas station.
I really want to take photos of my friends with their face smushed against glass.. Then make that pic my phone contact for them.. Then when they call, it will look like they`re trapped inside my phone! Oh god my life is pitiful, kill me..
Nintendo should handle education, I don’t remember half the crap from high school but I know all of Super Mario World’s secrets.
You know you are in trouble when your mom screams your whole name.
The only reason I keep people`s phone numbers in my phone is to avoid their calls..
Next time I go to Hooters I`m ordering milk.
I went somewhere earlier and saw a frog parked illegally and the poor thing got toad!!
Posting a status update before responding to someone`s text is the easiest way to let them know how unimportant they are.
My number was 0...
I have good taste, I just don`t have the money to prove it.
Spruce up your weeknight: run the dishwasher and imagine you`re on a cruise!