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Hair pulling during sex is hot ... unless the whole wig comes off.
Condom commercials should just be 30 seconds of crying babies pooping and vomiting all over themselves.
Rolling out of bed is easy. Getting up off of the floor is another story.
Nothing screams "I don`t care about being on time for work" like hopping on Facebook first thing in the morning.
We can`t all be princesses, somebody has to clap as I go by. :P
I need medical attention, but I will settle for just regular attention.
Who decided that the abbreviation for pound should be two letters not in the word?
Keep it down kids!.. Daddy is trying to think of something stupid to say on the internet.
If you`re going to be original, be prepared to be copied.
New Life Goal: Get a job where people ask me, "You actually get paid for doing this?"
Just because I’m smiling, doesn’t mean I don’t want to hit you in the face.
I bet cats are mad they can’t sit on televisions anymore.
Love your enemies; after all, you made them!
Due to the rising cost of ammunition I will no longer be able to provide a warning shot. Thanks for your understanding.
None of us have it as bad as the porcupine giving birth to another porcupine.