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Just because it`s a bad idea, doesn`t mean it`s not going to be a good time.
If a cannibal is late to dinner do they give him the cold shoulder?
My life coach is the cashier at the liquor store.
the `real` me doesnt do facebook
What do crickets hear when they have an awkward silence?
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who can not be handled by his parents anymore.
I`m an accident looking for a place to happen!
The best part about going to Wal-Mart is having the book aisles all to yourself.
My closet is like 15 shirts I plan to fit into again and 1 shirt I wear every day.
My new voicemail: “If you have reached this recording, please hang up and text me.”
Sometimes my brain is like the bermuda triangle...Information goes in then it`s never found again..
My boss told me "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have" Am now sat in a disciplinary meeting wearing my Batman costume
BOOK FACT: If you took every book at Barnes and Noble and laid them end to end you get thrown out by security and banned from returning.
All cookies are "bite size" if you believe in yourself enough.
“Is it food time yet?” = The summarization of most of my thoughts.