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My girlfriend called me up and said "Come on over to my place. No one`s home!" I went over. No one was home.
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God or man has rested.
Sometimes I like to go to the hardware store and run around with a screwdriver shouting, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a drill!"
Iām giving co-workers the silent treatment by sending them blank emails.
Making mirrors look good, since 1972
Single ? I`m not single, I`m in a long standin relationship with fun and freedom ! ;)
Seems like you must have been pretty stupid to get caught for murder in the 1800s
Calling all men...Eboli can live up to two months in semen..YES! You better wash your socks.
Secretly replaced the bacon with beggin` strips. Let`s see if the customers notice.
If rolling your eyes burned calories, Facebook would be my gym.
Save water- shower with me!
The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macaulay Culkin because I always go home alone.
When someone says "Surprise me", I quickly drop my pants.
My girlfriend isn`t much of a wrestler but you should see her box!!
Being married is like having the freedom to do whatever your wife tells you.