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Seems like my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair.
Who the hell is Pete, and why do we do things for his sake?
But what if bygones want to be something else? ;)
What about a To-Don`t List?
People who say they sleep like a baby usually dont have one
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can´t remember the other two.
Time to turn over a new leaf ... With my luck it’ll be poison ivy.
Half of me is a hopeless romantic. And the other half of me is, well, an asshole.
If the Dollar Store ever starts selling alcohol....drinks are on me.
I will stop loving you, when Spongebob gets his driving license.
Some days should come with a warning label: This day is going to suck, bring alcohol.
A small child called 911 upon seeing a zebra because he thought a horse escaped from jail
Why aren’t mustaches called mouth brows?
I`m glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.
Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets.