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My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. . . . well. . . she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet.
I know I`m in trouble when the voice in my head starts using my middle name
Me- We need eggs. Hub- How many? Me- One. See if they will sell you just one.
Some people post because they need attention and validation. Not me. (Thanks for reading this, the `Like` button is below)
You`ve really got to hand it to short people, because sometimes they often can`t reach it.
Are security guards at Samsung stores called Guardians of the Galaxy?
In a perfect world Taco Bell would deliver...
Three guys walk into a bar. Two ended up with a concussion, the other needed 4 stitches.
I have a few skeletons in my closet. But, every single one of them deserved it.
Anyone want to be fake engaged for two hours so we can eat cake samples?
My hand has never pumped so hard for a little squirt. Stupid empty soap bottle.
My friends are weird. They keep vegetables in their beer crisper. Freaks
I wasn`t going to get so many groceries, but there was a new girl working today and she took my check.
My parents are visiting. So I pretty much know how much gas cost everywhere.
A homeless man just asked me if I was having a bad hair day, so I took my dollar back.