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If you are being attacked by a bunch of clowns the first thing to do is go for the juggler.
I’m cutting the sleeves off my Snuggie because it makes me look more badass.
I just can’t stop thinking of all the people who signed my yearbooks that I have let down by failing to “stay cool”
So you think you can study with your facebook activated? That`s cute! ^.^
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you’re probably really hot.
Look for my new diet book: "How To Work Out And Watch What You Eat And Still Gain Plenty Of Weight"
Just one more drink and then I`m outta here" is one of my favorite lies.
Just realized all books are different combinations of the same 26 letters. This is BS!
Procrastinators Unite!! ... tomorrow.
Thank God I still have a few days left to achieve my goal of “going to the gym in 2014.”
My Tupperware lids and single socks are chilling somewhere laughing at me.
I knew she was about to say something intelligent because she began with, "You once told me..."
Don`t tell me to make myself at home if you don`t want me to drop my pants and download porn on your computer.
Apparently my "Please STFU" face bears a strong resemblance to my "Oh, Please Keep Talking" face.
No matter what I get, it’s impossible not to sound like a douche when saying my order at Starbucks.