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Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when your finished.
I wish I budgeted with my whole paycheck as well as I do with the last fifty bucks of it.
Only in math problems you can buy 60 watermelons and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
I would call my fashion style: “clothes that still fit.”
If you can’t laugh at yourself, call me… I’ll do it.
Really discouraging that there`s still bald people in sci fi movies.
Don`t look at me in that tone of voice...
Why is it called "reading a book" and not paper view?
I just ate Pasta and Anti-Pasta, but they annihilated each other, now I am hungry again.......
Mustaches: 1. Like them or not? 2. Should you refuse to go out on a date with someone just because she has one?
Plot twist: WebMD says you`re just thirsty
Top three reasons he doesn`t text you back: 1. He`s just not that into you 2. He`s imaginary 3. He`s a cat
I woke up praying McDonald`s would still be serving breakfast but I just missed it by 6 hours.
my doctor says I have the body of a 20 year old, the mind of a 30 year old and the wisdom of a someone twice my age, to which my husband asked " What did he say about your fat ass?" I said to my husband, "Oh , the doctor didn`t say anything about you dear!".
The trick to farting in an elevator is wearing a suit. No one ever suspects the guy in the suit.