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If you lose your shoe at the end of the night, you’re not Cinderella. You’re probably just drunk.
¦It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
Ha = I didn`t find that funny. Haha = That was funny. Hahahahaha = I want to sleep with you.
I`m hosting a wine tasting event in my home. Well, it`s not really an event. It`s just me and three bottles of wine. No one else is invited.
I am at the gym! Well, the parking lot. They have free wi-fi.
My wife and I laugh at how competitive we are at things, but I laugh more.
The way I see it, every Friday is Good Friday.
Okay, I am getting really irritated. This is the 5th ATM I`ve been to today that`s had "insufficient funds".
"I knew that..." -Me, after every Jeopardy question.
You know if you say gullible slowly it sounds like oranges :)
DAMN IT!!!!! I just ripped the tag off one of my Beanie Babies! Now it`s worthless!!
thinks we should all jump out of our chairs and do the 5 second happy dance! READY! GO!
One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or complain. But it was a long time ago, and it was just for that one day.
Some people live life in the fast lane. You’re in oncoming traffic.
If flying is really so safe, then why is it called the `terminal`?