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Ambulance is spelled backwards on the front so when you look in your rearview mirror you don`t confuse it with the other giant siren cubes.
The amount of times I`ve had to say no to the Adobe Updater has totally prepared me to be a parent.
I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.
Sometimes, I wonder if the weather app on my phone even looks outside.
I see your Full House and I raise you 3 episodes of Home Improvement. -Me, not knowing how to play poker, but loving 90`s TV
These animal crackers are crap, this elephant tastes exactly like that giraffe did.
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
When people ask for my advice, I advise them not to take my advice. That really screws them up.
Okay, I am getting really irritated. This is the 5th ATM I`ve been to today that`s had "insufficient funds".
Why aren`t we letting blind people think that dragons are real?
If a gay guy doesn`t write a book called "Fifty Shades of Haaaaaayyy" I`ll be disappointed.
Nobody wished me a happy birthday today, which isn´t surprising really, since it isn´t my birthday.
Golf is such a strange game. You shout four, shoot six, and write down five.
Sometimes I zone out and forget what I’m supposed to be doing, and then I remember and take a drink of my beer.
Our swear jar is always empty because of all the god damn foul mouthed thieves that live in this f*cking house.