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Hunting is easier for vegans because it’s easier to sneak up on plants.
My doctor said I`m healthy enough for sexual activity ... I`m just not attractive enough.
Remember kids- Respect your fathers! Besides, before you came out of your moms, you came out of your dad.
Fart jokes ain`t funny, they stink.
Shout out to good looking women who date unattractive men who aren`t rich, thanks for keeping hope alive.
Why are we still testing on animals when there are pedophiles in prison.
A lot of people seem to forget their other four fingers when waving to me.
What if "I`m coming out with a new scent" was just a way for famous people to warn others that they were about to fart?
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can`t flick your friends out the car window
Every night before bed I do this cute little thing where I stare at the Internet for 6.5 hours
Hey babe, go to Google Earth, zoom in on your house. See that blue cap in the bushes? Hi!
If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize. I honestly didn’t think you could read.
I decided to bury the hatchet with that neighbor I never got along with. After all, it is the murder weapon.
Sometimes I feel happy, but then the Oreos run out.
I love watching The Simpsons. They never get old.