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Honesty is the best policy, unless you`re trying to return something that you`ve already worn.
Behind every strong woman is a man that she needs to open jars and get things off high shelves.
I don’t like being told what to do…unless I’m naked.
My wife started clipping coupons to help save money. She keeps them in the side pocket of her $800 purse.
My mother was feeling cold so now I`m wearing a sweater.
I am not acting childish and you`re just a big doody-head.
Tis the season to throw your diet out the window.
Facebook has suggested that I POKE you.
1 in 3 Americans, weighs as much as the other 2.
Dogs are great. You can count on them to alert you of danger...Also, children passing by, squirrels and gusts of wind they don`t like.
For lent I`m giving up sex, wait I`m not Catholic. Whoa, that was close
Now accepting friends that live on a lake and have a boat and/or jet skis
All through school I assumed they saved the number 1 pencils for the smart kids
When you introduce clapping to your dancing you might probably be too old to be in a night club at 1am.
I want to take this moment to thank the depends adult diaper company for allowing me to play my video game for a strait 8 hours uninterupted...