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My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
Anyone who says "Let`s all put our phones down and talk with each other," is just running out of battery and needs a charge.
Don`t you just hate it when people say stuff in thier status that you really didn`t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop. Talk to ya later.
"Probiotic" sounds a lot better than "bacteria infested"
I wonder if one day somebody will knock on my door and say to me, “Hey ,we have 7 mutual friends in Facebook; may I come in?"
We have GPS that can navigate you across the country. Why can`t someone invent a device that can remind you why you went into a room?
These kids next door to me need to quit yelling. I`m about to wake up their mom and send her back over there.
I sometimes ask myself, "What would Jesus do?", and then I think, Jesus wouldn`t be caught up in this sh*t.
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who can not be handled by his parents anymore.
Seriously contemplating remarrying my ex wife, but I`m pretty sure she`ll figure out that I`m just after my money
What an intoxicated Schwarzenegger might say to a police officer: "I`m an IDIOT you COP!"
You would think a popular place like the Krusty Krab would have more than two employees.
I just thought you should know, I just did all the laundry and didn`t lose a sock to the dryer monster...
New documentary movie about white trash .... I only saw the trailer ....
Ice skating is just walking in cursive.