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What I lack in height, I make up for in kitchen counter climbing ability.
Karaoke bars combine two of the world’s great evils: People who shouldn’t drink and people who shouldn’t sing.
Money is the root of all evil. For more information, send $10 to me.
It is kinda at the point where everything in my life is a movie reference
Never wake a sleeping woman. Because then she´ll be awake.
If you hear a roommate having loud sex, a cool thing to do is kick down the door and shout "player 3 has entered the game!"
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
A coworker just wrote "Retard" on the windshield of my car. It`s taken me over an hour to lick it off!
Marriage. The world`s oldest form of identity theft.
You know when you’re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That’s happening to me, only with beer.
Saw a boat with a sign that read "For Sale" so I added the missing "-ing"......Idiots can`t spell...
I`m so proud of myself, I spent all night putting my Christmas decorations up myself.. I`m now at the hospital having them removed
Judging by the commercials, only old white guys with sailboats can suffer from erectile dysfunction.
Ohio - High in the middle, and round at the ends.
Because it`s the season to give thanks, I would just like to say....you`re welcome.