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Two girls riding their bikes on a cobble stone road. 1st girl: I never came this way before. 2nd girl: Me neither. It must be the cobble stones.
I hope this guy at the urinal next to me can see that I`m checking Facebook and not taking pictures.
I`m getting all dressed up. Have a feeling I might be on COPS tonight.
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become
I`m not saying I hate you, but I`d unplug your life support to charge my phone.
Find a penny pick it up and all day long you`ll have good luck. Or some kind of virus because pennies are dirty and gross.
That moment when you wake up at 2 o`clock a.m and remember how crappy that after earth movie was and you go back to sleep immediately
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face...
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
It took me quite some time to be this good a procrastinator
I used to be a kleptomaniac but now I take something for it.
Jodi Arias dating O J Simpson now that would be a hell of a relationship
I know how to wink my eye in like twelve different languages.
Sorry I missed your call. I was peeing and had both hands full.
You know you had an awesome night when you need sunglasses to get food out the fridge.