Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just so you know, the movie "Life of Pi" has nothing to do with dessert.
I love a good nap. Sometimes it`s the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning.
that awkward moment when you`re scuba diving and you see Adele rolling in the deep.
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
You know those orange cones they put on the highway for you to knock down? I just beat my high score last night!
The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I`m the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don`t feel trained for this, and I certainly didn`t sign up for the position.
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail…
Best grilled cheese ever!! All I did was add a hamburger patty.
People who describe things as “better than sex” are having the wrong kind of sex.
Over 500 channels and not a DAMN THING to watch! I suppose I should subscribe to some of them...
I could write an entire book on excuses,,, but I have to pick my grandma up at the airport.
The only way to communicate with a drunk person is to get hammered too.
I am sorry I wasn`t being completely honest when I said I was normal.
maturity comes when you stop publishing every detail of your life on social media
You know you`re getting old when Happy Hour is a nap.