Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like I KNOW, RIGHT?
Yeah, you go ahead and climb that mountain "because it`s there", I am going to eat this Pizza "because it`s here"................................
It`s all fun and games until you find out she`s a psychotic bitch...
Coffee: fueling you for a job you can`t stand to support a life you never wanted. Tastes good though...
I don`t plan anything as well as I plan which alcoholic beverage I`m going to consume once I leave work.
That awkward moment when you gently toss your phone on the bed and it bounces off 3 walls, breaks 2 lamps and kills a cat...
I have enough leftover Halloween candy to get me to leftover Valentine`s Day candy time.
You can`t Febreze bullshit.
I like to go on drunk facebook post binges, then claim the next day that someone hacked my account.
Every Chrysler commercial should begin with them apologizing for the PT Cruiser.
I just found a piece of pizza in my trash can. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!!
My stalker twisted his ankle, so now I have to walk slower for 2-3 weeks.
I know I don`t look like it but I`m really good looking!
Just stopped by my old high school and updated my phone number on all the bathroom stalls.
I give up on life! I have better luck playing Monopoly...or Clue...