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Hump Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don’t understand how my house gets so messy when I literally sit in one spot with my phone all day.
I dont know whats more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
Nothing makes you feel more insignificant than still having 85% battery at noon.
says if you don`t like the way I live my life, than there is some good news... you aren`t me!!
I checked my calendar, and I won`t give a f*ck tomorrow either.
My stomach just growled so hard I thought I was getting a text message.
"I`m glad the weekends over" -Nobody ever
Was wondering...when you have a mandatory meeting at work, why do the presenters always thank you for being there?
Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from taking a nap.
We should remove the warning labels from everything and let the stupidity problem take care of itself.
To calculate the average number of times a guy has sex per week, multiply the number of fantasy football leagues he`s in by the number zero.
My relationship is like an iPhone, I don`t have an iPhone.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well…my phone number for a start.
You`re the reason why I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to go to work.