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I`m sorry I slapped you. It`s just you seemed like you weren`t going to stop talking and I panicked.
Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts..
Just seen the new Batman shampoo in Costco. I can`t believe they haven`t paired it up with a conditioner Gordon.
No matter what the product, a good way to throw off an aggressive salesman is to interrupt him and ask, “Yes, but does it work on cats?”
Facebook is my serious account, the funny one is my bank account.
I`m allergic to gluten free diets.
Knife > gun because if I pull a knife, you don`t know what I`m gonna do. Stab you? Open a letter? Or am I gonna frost a cake? It`s a mystery
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
To all the NSA agents reading this right now, I just want to say sorry that my life is so boring.
Just saw a cop that had a U-Haul pulled over on the side of the road. Obviously he was trying to bust a move.
Hey Guys! I havent seen you since last year!(;
If it was not for electricity, we would all be watching T.V. by candle light.
I’m not saying I’m psychic, but I’m positive I will have no interest in what you’re about to say.
I want a man who loves me for my personality. Is it really to much to ask, I mean I do have several to pick from.
Honking your horn is fun but rolling down your window and screaming “honk” at people is just way more satisfying.