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I hate the snow so much, I want to build a snowman just so I can punch it in its face.
I only accept apologies in cash.
My cat’s gonna be homeless unless he comes up with something funny to post on YouTube.
My best relationship advice: Make sure you`re the crazy one.
I never give money to bums because a.) They probably make more money than I do. b.) They work from home. c.) They get to drink on the job.
Vegetarian is an old Native American word for bad hunter.
I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed.
These Days everything is really starting to Click!.......My knee`s, my elbows, and the rest of my joints!
I used to eat natural food, until I heard people were dying of natural causes
Trying to untwist a twizzler is a real b*tch and this gas station cashier yelling at me isn`t helping.
This strip mall certainly is misleading And I probably should put my clothes back on now.
I’m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team.
I turned out ok for a kid raised in a large part by Bugs Bunny.
A recent study has found that woman who carry little extra weight live longer then the man who mention it
Crazy is not a destination, it is a way of life.