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Any of you girls wanna come over tonight for pizza and sex? ... I`m just kidding. There`s no pizza.
Money can`t buy you happiness, but it does give you the ability to rent it until you die.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning.
Ugh, I have an ingrown hair and it really hurts. This sounds like a job for medical marijuana.
The best part about Valentine`s Day is that tomorrow is Friday.
Went down the gym and burnt 1200 calories today. I forgot to take the pizza out of the oven!
Seems like 2013 was just yesterday.
Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
I automatically classify anything over $5 as expensive.
-buys lottery ticket -fantasizes about winning the lottery -smiles -loses lottery -resumes general hatred for life
If you can´t convince them, confuse them.
Well, just 8 more hours of Facebook and I can go back to bed. *phew*
If you`re confident enough, every zoo is a petting zoo.
Yesterday my Supervisor asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
I wake up everyday planning to be productive. Then a voice in my head says, " hahaa, good one!" Then we laugh and laugh and take a nap.