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The brain is like the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours, 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
Do you think that the guy who invented the vibrator heard voices saying, "if you build it they will come"?
I`ll be right with you, I`m busy being inappropriate on the internet.
Ever gotten that awkward feeling? ..like the one when you realize you`re chewing on a BORROWED pencil?
Everyone wants you to "be honest" until you tell them how much they suck.
Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. A broken heart makes you wiser. And alcohol makes you not remember any of that sh!t.
Sometimes when someone appears to be hailing a cab, I go up and high five their hand because you can never be too sure.
We can only blame ourselves for all the crime and violence today, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to change...
Alcohol-The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance medicine.
Keep your friends close and your fat friends closer, because snacks.
According to my iPhone Health app, I walked 1,787 steps around this Golden Corral buffet tonight .... So I got that going for me.
I don’t let my friends do stupid things… ALONE!
If you’re so much better than the leading brand then why are you not the leading brand?
The problem with money is too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"