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I believe pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens
Having children is a fantastic source of free labor.
If my father taught me one thing, it was probably how to take both hands off the wheel to sarcastically applaud people in traffic.
I really don`t need to be loved.. I would settle for being tolerated. :)
The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
Don’t confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.
"Do you have a charger?" is the new "Could I bum a cigarette?"
The police are taking me downtown for an interview and I didn`t even apply for the job.
I haven`t gotten laid in so long, you`d swear I`ve been wearing Crocs all this time.
WARNING: Every single thing I post from here on in, is alcohol induced.
If you`re "just sayin", then just shut the hell up.
Every time my daughter drinks juice she says "cheers" so.... no, not looking forward to parent teacher conferences.
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel crossing the street.
If you’re keeping score in your relationship, I promise you, you’re losing.
Sometimes in life, all you really need is a lot of money.