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If you take Viagra with iron supplements it will cause you spin around and point North.
Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in cages. We just want to set them free and play with them.
Son: "Dad, can you write in the dark?" Dad: "Uh, I think so, why?" Son: "I need you to sign my report card."
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
If you like to listen to music while having sex, listen to a live album. That way you will get an applause every 3-4 minutes.
NO, I didn`t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.
What if dreams are just glimpses of alternate universes?
My hair looks amazing today. I hope I see everybody I hate.
I add "Drink Beer" to my weekend to-do list so I know I`ll at least get one thing done.
Dating Tip: If she hasn`t kissed you by the third date, she`s there for the food.
Pro tip for picking up girls - keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
I`m not a doctor, but I play one on eHarmony.
This beer sure tastes like I`m on vacation next week!
I`m no cactus expert, but I know a pr!ck when I see one
I`m so deep in the friendzone that I`ve met her boyfriends parents