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If there is no chocolate in heaven...I AM NOT GOING!
Peyton Manning saw his shadow this morning...that means six more weeks of bad Papa Johns commercials.
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!
I take a large amount of pride in always being prepared for a nap.
This guy keeps asking me to help pet his neglected, one-eyed trouser snake. What a sweet guy! I think he`s a vet. Ladieeees! A doctor!!
I recently took up meditation. It beats sitting around doing nothing.
Its funny how your friends change , Meet new people and forget about you . :( But just know i`ll still be in your heart?
Sometimes I wish I could officially change "Hump Day" into "Smack-A-Dumb-Bitch-In-The-Face" Day.
Peanut butter and jelly. That´s what I like in my belly
See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as Kraft singles?
I started to compliment my neighbors on their new wallpaper but then I realized they can`t hear me through binoculars.
I`m using voice-to-text to post this status. All I do is talk and it makes a text out of it. It`s really cool... Hey! What are you doing? That`s my phone! Give it back! Come back here, you son of a...
I`m ABSOLUTELY positive I`d accidentally kill myself within 3 minutes of owning a light saber.
Do you want to hear a joke about constipation and dementia? ...Well, tough sh!t, I forgot it.