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I can`t wait for a empty Christmas wrapping paper tube to bonk someone over the head with!
"mommy watch this!" is the toddler equivalent of "hold my beer and watch this"
When one door closes, another one opens.... That`s when you realize that you`ve bought a really bad second hand car.
Imagine Ferris Bueller trying so hard not to Instagram his whole day off.
I`ll just admire you from afar.. Or 500ft. That`s what this paper says.
If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
Oops, just bought vodka instead of milk again
You know what I hate? People who answer their own questions.
Why do people always feel safe under blankets...its not like a murderer will break in and be like "I`M GONNA KILL YAA__AAHHHhhhh dang he is under a blanket.
Love your neighbor, but don`t get caught...
Humpty Dumpty was pushed I tell ya. PUSHED!!!!!!
Divorce... The most common home improvement project.
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people know where my tolerance level is at.
If you really can make $10,000 a month working from home why would anyone take the harder job of nailing those signs to trees?