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When we are small, our mom`s would use really small forks as spoons to feed us...But what about Chinese moms? Would they use toothpicks?
I`ll do a lot of things for money, but I draw the line at working...
I`m only a morning person on December 25th
Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale?
Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different from mine.
If you love someone , let them go. If they dont come back, call them up later when your drunk and see wtf is going on.
There`s both a McDonald`s and a blood pressure machine at our Walmart. Circle of life.
I hate it when people like their own statuses * At this point you like your status for dramatic effect*
Knock knock Who`s there? Control Freak. Now you say "Control Freak who?"
I used to be a kleptomaniac but now I take something for it.
It`s amazing how much us guys complain about women and then fully trust them with our pen!ses in their mouth.
Don`t ask me what I did today, neither of us want to hear it out loud.
When people say they work like a dog, I look at mine and think they must mean they just lay around all day and poop wherever they feel like.
We’ll be friends until we’re old and senile. Then we’ll be new friends all over again.
New parent: I can`t believe how awesome my baby is. 10 years later: Wow, they sure do grow up fast...10 years later: Seriously, get the f*ck out of my house!!