Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If laziness was a sport, I would win first. Except I would have to send someone to except my medal.
Sometimes knowing exactly where you are does not make you any less lost.
For Halloween I`m going as an invisible person. I will be at all your parties.
I hope the next big trend in music is Talent.
Don`t you love followers that don`t acknowledge your existence. Its so cute. Its like I have tiny marriages all over the world.
Golf would be a lot more fun to watch on TV if the balls were on fire
Technically, I don`t have to do anything until my wife wakes up and realizes I`m not doing anything.
You will attract attention if wearing a skirt on a windy day. This is doubly true if you are a man.
If you work Security in a Samsung store does that make you a Guardian of the Galaxy?
My phone dies faster than a black man in a horror film.
I`m a very modest person, mostly because I`m awesome.
I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.
You don`t know true competition until you`re one of the last two people in musical chairs.
The only correct answer to the question are you sleeping is no.
I`m just like you ... Only smarter and better looking.