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It’s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
Hey, if anyone needs help raising their kids, come talk to me. I`ve been one for 30 some years now.
We live in a world in where it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract
Next time you over hear a stranger giving out their number. Text them details of what they are wearing. It`s so fun to watch them freak out!
It`s hard to diet when your favorite exercise is chewing...
Sorry I kept stopping erratically. I was pumping SCREW YOU in Morse Code with my brake lights.
Here`s a list of the things I have to look forward to today: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Drinking after work
The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock at 6am is the fact that it’s my cellphone.
There is a method to my madness….and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable
Hey guys,,, Which sounds better: No longer rabid?, Or rabies free since 2003?........ I`m trying to update my e-harmony profile
My grandpa has Alzheimer`s, so I just keep telling him he owes me twenty bucks.
99.9% of lol’s are lies.
I once dated a woman who thought windmills were solar powered. I`m so glad I don`t drink anymore.
Nothing is impossible.. Never Give Up.. I know a guy that once actually guessed correctly why his girlfriend was mad at him.. :|
If da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20121020-00463.jpg"