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I love the way everyone who uses hand sanitizer looks like they`re hatching some kind of evil plan.
Attention!! Today I am traveling back in time to right some wrongs in this world. You will know I succeeded if the Germans lost WW2 and that Thursday comes before Wednesday.
WARNING:: going to bed on Sunday will cause Monday.
Note to self: don’t set your password reminder as “you should know this”
I just read that Lindsay Lohan is headed for rehab. It`s like 2008 all over again. Or 2009. Or 2010. Or 2011. Or 2012
My doctor asked if any members of you family suffers from insanity, I replied "nope they seem to enjoy it!"
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me more than a week to realize that I`m not at work anymore....
I hope the final frame of Breaking Bad is white text on black background: "None of this would have happened if we had Universal Healthcare."
Is it so much to ask that everyone who ever wronged me be forced to leave the country and change their identity?
There`s 3 ways to get something done: 1. Do it yourself, 2. Hire someone or 3. Forbid your kids to do it.
If everybody was consistently as determined as they are when they carry all groceries in one trip, this world would be in a better place.
No, whenever there`s trouble, YOU always seem to be around ... officer.
I got a Rolex for my birthday from my lesbian friends. I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.
I`m off to bed. For those of you who wish to add a touch of authenticity to your fantasies, the sheets are pale blue...
It`s amazing what you can accomplish when you do stuff.