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You will never be happier than a girl who just discovered her dress has pockets.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them.
I like my women how I like my straws ā¦. Bendy and full of liquor.
Women seem to want security. At least that`s what they yell whenever I approach them.
Ok everybody. Please look in your bedroom closet. I got my stalking notes mixed up and don`t know where I am.
A few bad decisions really liven up a boring day.
....so then I said, "What gives YOU the right to judge ME?" And then he gets all, "Order in the court!" and starts pounding his gavel down...
Wearing my pajamas to Walmart. I don`t want to attract any attention.
Facebook becomes 100 times more entertaining when you have work to do.
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and most of that comes from bad judgment...
When I grow up I wanna be a psychiatrist for the mentally insane...so i can find out what the hell is wrong with you people
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow, but Iām going to be too busy sitting on mine.
Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry.
Walmart has their new Savings Catcher app... I`m thinking savings isn`t the only thing you will catch ...
You know you`ve reached adulthood when your bed is in the middle of the wall instead of in the corner.