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"You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry" - me practicing for a successful relationship.
There is really no way of knowing how many chameleons are in the room right now.
I´ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming "CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" when they have nightmares.
If we aren`t supposed to be too close to the microwave then why do they show us food twirling around in there?
This morning I got in touch with my inner self. And that`s also the last time I`ll buy cheap toilet paper...
I feel like there should be more breakfast beers on the market.
Hang out with different people everyday so the only person who knows you`ve been wearing the same outfit all week is you.
In hell you`re always trying to spread butter that`s too cold.
How do Amish girls know if it`s a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular one #DeepThoughts
Walmart does not have a dildo section. But it`s always fun to ask their employees if they do.
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
Why is it always the same person getting in your way from start to checkout at the grocery store?
I like to walk by a chick in slow motion so she thinks i`m the one
Hey you! Yea you ... Don`t just pass by my status and not say hi.
That awkward moment when you forget what you’re watching during the commercial break.