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The best nicknames are the ones you don’t even know you have.
Do you ever think that if it weren`t for someone smoking Marijuana they might of killed you already. . .
I found $80 in my jeans. The kid in me says "Buy Nerf guns and candy", but the adult in me says "Buy vodka, Nerf guns and candy".
If someone says you used too much butter or cheese on something, stop talking to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity
There is something so unique about me, that even I can`t figure it out...
I want to grow my own food but no one makes pizza seeds.
It’s getting harder and harder to find vodka-flavored vodka.
After opening this month`s electric bill, I am no longer scared of the dark.
Everything just seems much better when you`re in denial
A three hour long movie adaptation of pages 74 and 75 of the Hobbit? Friggin count me in.
Is professional lollygagger an actual job yet?
OMG guys!! im so happy!! the doctors just gave me a jacket so im always hugging myself!!
I wonder if pet products are tested on humans?
This morning I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering. 98 of them said, "How did you get in here?"
I have a condition that renders me unable to go on a diet… I get hungry.