Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I never meant to be so cold, I never meant to be so cold. - Mother nature
"Rear facing, pedal activated photon cannon" sounds much more badass than "brake lights"
I don’t need a reason to enjoy a little wine. All I need is a glass.
You don`t look like 200 likes in person
My neck, my back, my Netflix and my snacks.
Do these `Skinny Jeans` make my blood circulation look more than purple or less than purple?
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you would actually kill me.
Until they get this spell-check problem with the iPhone fixed, it would be best not to text your wife and tell her she is looking fit.
All I`m saying is if I`m not allowed to give a monkey a gun at the zoo they should have a sign.
Sorry, just got your text. Are we still on for last night?
Deja Vu: When God thinks something is so funny he has to rewind it to show it to his friends
I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup, and just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever
In fact, yes, l can multitask. I can screw up several things at once.
"..all the king`s horses & all the king`s men couldn`t get Humpty together again" ... What guy thought horses might figure it out?
Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s can shorten it