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Pandas are proof that if you have a cute enough outfit no one will call you fat.
I miss being able to use the excuse "I wasn`t home when you called."
I miss the life I planned in my head.
Facebook would be much more interesting if they let you decide, which part of the body you wanna Poke.
They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love, after marriage, it is self-defense.
Thinking about moving to Alabama just so I don’t have to scroll through all those other states when I sign up for websites.
Candy canes are the perfect treat. They are minty & put you into the holiday spirit & can easily be fashioned into a shank.
We spend so much money on buying different clothes... without realizing the best moments are spent without clothes
My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello”. My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact & hope it goes away.
I swear I saw a guy earlier today that had no chin and all I could think about was, how does he put on pillow cases?
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The only b word you should call a woman is beautiful. B!tches love to be called beautiful.
So far my only real accomplishment in life has been not having kids.
Hit the popcorn button on my microwave but none has appeared yet.
The real heroes are the people who live within driving distance of their in-laws.