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Fighting is bad. Breaking up a fight between a douchebag and the bar owner is good. Thank God I`m a ninja.
I don`t mind people sneezing in public. It`s that "Pre-sneeze face" they make that scares the hell out of me.
If your dog weighs less than 10lbs, it`s technically a cat
If someone says you used too much butter or cheese on something, stop talking to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity
Wife is out of town until tomorrow night. Anyone wanna come sit on the other end of the sofa and ignore me?
The good thing about being 6' 6? is that if I develop a bald patch, no one will see it..Unless you’re using Google Earth.
My boss said “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” Now I’m sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Batman.
On the Internet you can be anything you want ... It`s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.
Why do sandwiches taste so much better when they are cut diagonally?
The woman in the Superman underwear next to me does not quite understand how white pants work.
Save water- shower with me!
I don`t know why I even bother chewing corn.
I`ve decided!! I’m giving up my New Years resolutions for Lent.
Dr. Oz says having 1/2 hour of sex is equivalent to running 6 miles. I guess I`m going to the gym today.
If flying is really so safe, then why is it called the `terminal`?