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I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.
I need a Shazam app for people I`m supposed to recognize but can`t remember
Three guys walk into a bar. Two ended up with a concussion, the other needed 4 stitches.
Why is it that most nudists are people you don`t want to see naked?
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a beer while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care..
My level of sarcasm has reached a dangerous level where even I don`t know if I`m kidding or not.
Etc... A word used to make others believe that you know more than you actually do
I wonder what happens when a doctor’s wife eats an apple a day.
Once you get past my charm, good looks, intelligence and my sense of humor, I think it’s my modesty that stands out.
Sometimes, the light at the end of the tunnel is just a lost guy with a flashlight.
I always say, your laundry is never completely done, unless you do it in the nude. Which probably explains the strange looks at the laundrymat this afternoon.
I need chapstick on my lips ... anyone want to share ?
Last night I was walking the sexiest girl ever home until she turned around and saw me.
If you think your girlfriend has a great sense if humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes.
Orgasms are alot like pizza. As long as I have pizza I don`t really care if you don`t have any pizza.