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Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook.
You should see the sh!t I don`t post.
How do I tell a man he loves me?
I will have you know I have FRIENDS! All 10 seasons.
People should have to pass an IQ test to use the internet.
I walked into SeaWorld with a fishing pole once. I gotta tell ya, those security guards can really run.
I know alcohol isn`t the answer, but it`s my best guess.
I`d have a longer attention span if things weren`t so shiny.
If I’ve learned anything from Game of Thrones it’s that I need a wolf.
I`m not necessarily saying that I am or am not a super hero, but I do occasionally stand with my hands on my hips.
I try to live each day like it`s my last, which is why I rarely have clean socks. Who wants to wash socks on the last day of their life?
What idiot decided it should be my foot`s asleep instead of coma toes?
Apparently, "Giant ones" is not the appropriate response to the question, "What are the steps you would take in the event of an emergency?"
Slowly, Waldo`s wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together
My facebook has been rated PG for Poor Guy