Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have short term memory. I also like to fish. Also, I have short term memory.
Happy July 22nd! Today isn’t a holiday, but you’re alive and well, so why not celebrate?
I think the tie was invented by someone who wanted to express how he felt about work but thought an actual noose was too obvious.
I miss flip phones because at the end of a conversation you could always dramatically close them like, bitch whatever.
If you answer the phone and say "Hello, you`re on the air." most telemarketers will hang up quickly.
My brother didnt take kindly to jail. He refused food & drink, and smeared feces on the walls. That`s the last time we`re playing Monopoly.
Never piss off a woman on her period...scratch that...Never piss off a woman, period.
There`s really no telling how successful I could have been if the internet hadn`t been invented...
You find my yoga pants distracting ... would you like me to take them off?
I’m a pervert, but in a romantic way.
Well, it`s almost the end of the year. No point in trying to become a good person this late in the game.
It`s hard to look like a bad-ass when you`re slurping on a strawberry smoothie.
auto-correct has got to be my worst enema.
I just heard someone say "I can`t wait for 13/13/13" .....let`s take a moment and pray for this dumbass
I dont run from my problems, I chase them ... with alcohol