Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
All I`m saying is if guys were meant to make them, they`d be call sandWIZARDS.
Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-assing everything I do for the next ten minutes.
Wonder if Jesus gets screwed out of birthday presents just because his birthday is so close to Santas?
Had a nice, relaxing weekend. I now have ample energy to hate Monday and most of Tuesday.
I’m glad we can’t smell each other through the internet.
It`s 2014 and somehow we still don`t have a car mirror that can make objects appear exactly as far away as they are.
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos
Spent $50 on E-bay to enlarge my happy place. The creep sent me a magnifying glass.
When I was a child I dreamed of being an old west cowboy. When I grew up I realized they didn`t have toilet paper with aloe.
What would I give the woman who has everything? Well, my phone number for a start.
If a Jehovah`s Witness dies and goes to heaven does God hide behind the Pearly Gates and pretend he`s not home?
everyone has that one crazy person in there family...but in my case everyone is just as crazy as i am!XD
Every morning I swallow a piece of paper that says "Keep up the good work fellas!!" just in case I die and the doctors have to do an autopsy on me
According to my childhood, 1 out of 3 pigs are excellent builders.