Daily Silly Status

I`m "oh my god, gag me with a spoon" years old.

I hear my ex is now into orgies, or at least that`s what the Craigslist ad I just posted on her behalf said.

If by sexy you mean me licking the donut icing off my fingers then yes I can be damn sexy.

The part of "no" that I don´t understand is the part where I don´t get what I want

There really isn`t much difference between being a kid and being an adult. I was just as emotionally crippled upon learning the truth about Penthouse Letters as I was about Santa Claus.

When I see names carved into a tree I don’t think it’s cute, I just think its strange how many people take knives on a date.

I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where the f*ck is my remote?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch dumbass."

I swear my bed just whispered "Please Don`t go."

I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.

I hope I can still remember the dance to Thriller when I become a Zombie.

I`m losing my mind, but as long as I keep the part that tells me when I gotta pee, I should be OK

I puked in the backseat of my friend`s brand new Mustang in the Fall of 1989. There wasn`t any social networking back then, so I`m telling you all now...

So far the "couch" part of couch-to-5k is easily my favorite.

To a cop, doing donuts in a parking lot has a whole different meaning.

I feel like grabbing some random kid and screaming "I`m YOU from the future!"