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Ladys, if you`re in an argument with a guy and there`s no may to win. Start playing with your boobs...works every time.
Saw some idiot put a water bottle where the Pringles go on the treadmill.
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop and where to spend it
People liking my status from a week ago on Facebook proves that I have stalkers.
My new years resolution was to lose 30 lbs by the end of summer... I`ve only got 40 lbs to go.
"I don`t trust you to not buy drugs" -people who give gift cards
Whatever Mom, IF THAT`S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME!!!
My phone tried to autocorrect "f*cking" to "f*ck king," and I was like hell yeah I am.
I wish I could understand what women with big boobs are saying.
Walmart does not have a dildo section. But it`s always fun to ask their employees if they do.
I may not have any friends but at least I know my cat will never ask me to help him move
Some of the best memories I have are of times right before the cops showed up.
If tomatoes are classed as a fruit, then doesnt that mean that ketchup is technically a smoothie? ... hmmm
I need to hire someone who will follow me around and just knock the unhealthy food out of my hand.
Just because nobody complains doesn`t mean all parachutes are perfect.