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My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" ...I sent it anyways.
They should create an app that makes your cellphone go “ahhhhhhhh” when you plug it in.
Today I think I`ll go to a public restroom and wait until someone leaves, then click your stopwatch and write something down in a notebook.
Maybe my goal was to be a 35 year old loser on the Internet ... You don`t know.
Whoever is bringing me the 3 dozen donuts each morning, thank you. But could you just leave them on my desk and not in the break room?
During sex, my wife always wants to talk to me? Just the other night she called me from some hotel.
There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
How to get laid: 1)Lay on bed... Wait 1 hour until lay becomes past tense
It`s amazing how many people are diagnosed with a disease as soon as there`s a pill available for it.
I don`t know if I should tip the bathroom attendant, or charge for letting him watch...
It`s so expensive being a woman. I know because I have financed a few.
Nothing hides your feelings like the backspace key.
It makes me sad that the closest I`ll ever get to `hulking out` is splitting my trousers when I bend over.
If I had a dollar for every time I had a nickel.......
Happy 15th birthday google, 3 more years and you will be able to search for adult sites legally