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I once got a ride home from the pizza guy by ordering 1 pizza to be delivered to the bar and 1 to my house. Pretty sure i deserve an award.
If Trump wins I`m leaving the country. If Hillary wins I`m leaving the country. This is not a political post, I just want to go on vacation.
I can only please one person a day...and today is not your day!
figured out today that my GPS has auto-correct....I put in "Beach house" and ended up in my ex`s driveway.
One out of every 4 Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they´re okay, then it´s you.
The first rule of Women`s fight club is don`t tell anyone what you`re mad about or why you`re fighting.
These people keep looking at me like I`m the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If I haven`t offended you, just scroll thru my timeline. It`s in there.
It’s what’s on the inside that counts, unless you’re talking about one of those hollow chocolate bunnies.
There is no one more trustworthy than Clark Kent`s dry cleaner.
M?o?n?, T?u?e?s?, W?e?d?, T?h?u?r?s?, Friday !!!!
As I rise from my slumber the children scream in horror, as they did not know I was in the McDonald`s Playland ball pit
Join us in calling for a total ban of people. They are extremely dangerous. If you know any people, report them at once to the authorities.
I sneak alcohol into work because I`m a problem solver.
Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.