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Ever had sex while camping!? It`s intents!
Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?
I bet some of you would absolutely kill it in a race where you had to jump over obstacles while looking at your phone.
With the rise of self-driving vehicles, eventually there will be a country song about how your truck left you too.
You know you`re getting old when you`re looking forward to some time off so you can have like three doctors appointments.
Cats have been named the #1 pet held hostage by lonely women.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
My Grandma would be pissed if she found out how many times she`s died so I could get out of having to go somewhere
It might look like I`m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I`m quite busy.
Some people think I`m quiet, others wish I was.
If you get angry, just relax, take a deep breath and count to ten, unless you`re angry about oxygen and numbers.
Every time I lose some weight, I find it again in the refrigerator.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it”
Iam not as THINK as you DRUNK iam!!