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My daughter just explained to me that these dinner postings were not real invites. I have to apologize to all my friends out there for showing up last week.
They sell Harvard shirts at Target so that’s a good way to save $ 399,984.05.
Will be drunk until further notice.
Why do TV shows say "May contain nudity"? It either does or doesn`t. Don`t make me watch the entire thing and find out the hard way it doesn`t....
My internet goes out more than I do.
NEVER go to a wet t shirt contest drunk. I won 2nd place.
I`ll never become mature enough to not laugh out loud when the person in the stall next to me farts so loud it sounds like a volcano just erupted.
In lieu of a gift I liked a couple of charities on FB in your honour
While waiting for the right person, have fun with the wrong one.
The grass was greener on the other side, so we smoked it.
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I`m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
Smiling gives you wrinkles. Resting bitch face keeps you pretty.
Whew, good thing there`s a facebook petition for ending the shutdown, or else we`d be in real trouble.
Girl scout cookies suck! I ate like 20 boxes of thin mints and I`m not any thinner.
Plastic surgeons are the only people that actually encourage you to pick your nose.