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Good thing girls started uploading pictures next to a pool with the caption "Summer is finally here!" or we wouldn`t have known it`s summer.
Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
I either get what I want or I change my mind!
Today I learned not all people are appreciative of vetriloquism. Especially my gynecologist.
You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn’t stolen.
Sometimes I`ll go out in public and socialize with people, those times are called alibis.
Due To ObamaCare and the poor economy Holiday Cheer this year will be distributed in Shot Glasses...
My mother in law called me today and said? ”Come quick. I think I’m dying” I said, ”Call me back when you’re sure”.
Ahhh, the 4th of July. The day where trips to hospital start with the words "Hold my beer and watch this!"
Random Fact of the Day: Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
If you recieve something that says,”Send it to all your friends” , then please don`t consider me as your friend.
Its weird how your entire day flashes before your eyes the moment you realize that your zipper has been down and you haven`t pissed in 8 hrs
Alcohol is never the answer, unless the question is, "why were you barely conscious on the kitchen floor eating dog food?"
gone fishing ¸.·´¯`·.¸><((((º>
I`m sorry I said your head looks too small to power your body.