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Chuck-E-Cheese, because it`s never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling..
I don`t really want to make bad choices; but I`m always late, and all the good choices are already taken..
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, high, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Friday.
I just dusted and mopped the house like 3 months ago and it’s dirty again. This is bullsh!t.
If McDonald`s was smart they`d serve breakfast until 2pm on the weekends.
I hate when I’m alone in the dark and my brain says, “Hey, you know what we haven’t thought about in a while? Ghosts..”
There’s literally no way to know how many chameleons are in your house.
I dreamt that was dreaming, and then someone woke me up and told me I was dreaming but it turned out I had only dreamed that so I went back to sleep in my dream, all upset that my dream that I was dreaming was interrupted by another dream....hahahahaha.....whoa, need to lay off the Red Bull.
Politicians are people who have too little an amount of morals and ethics to remain lawyers.
This oatmeal tastes like I`m gonna need a doughnut.
No, whenever there`s trouble, YOU always seem to be around ... officer.
Whenever I meet a new girl, I introduce myself by shaking hands with my left hand. I don’t want her to meet her competition right away.
We used to be afraid people on the internet would find us in real life. Now we`re terrified people in real life will find us on the internet
What did I get for Christmas? Fat...