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The worst part about being stoned at work is realizing it`s your day off.
At this point in my life the only reason I want to be rich is to hire somebody to clean my house.
It`s funny to watch all these people Bumping Up their own posts.
I hate how homeless people shake their coin cups at me. I get it. No need to gloat that they have more money than me.
I always advise people never to give advice.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Whenever I try cleaning my room I either end up making a bigger mess, or just playing with the stuff I thought I lost.
Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, if that doesn`t accurately describe my life I don`t know what does
I can read your mind, your thinking about sex right now, no wait, wait.. that`s my mind, sorry, I can read my mind. . .
I don`t understand when people say `age is just a number`... Age is clearly a word.
It`s hard to look like a bad-ass when you`re slurping on a strawberry smoothie.
If stress burned calories, Iād be a super model.
Just heard a lady say "When in doubt, get a pizza"... I don`t know who this woman is but she`s my new life coach.
Im still waiting for Anheuser-Bush to name a beer "responsibly" so i can drink it!
have you ever looked at someone and thought, "yeah you definitely have someone locked away in your basement."